Most of the time when somebody has hurt me, I often say that I have forgiven the person but in fact when I try to really look inside my heart, my heart is full of anger and disappointment. Usually, pride gets in the way as I really try my very best to prove I am right. I would often have this imaginary "tally board" in my head and literally count the number of times the person who has hurt me apologize and the number of times i lowered my pride just so to say that I made the first move in apologizing. Sometimes, it gives me the "ha! i'm the winner!" feeling but then I came to learn that it does not matter if the other person does not say sorry to me. It does not matter if most people would say that I shouldn't have said sorry first because it was not my fault. It does not matter who apologized first. It does not matter whoever the "winner" in the argument is. What matters is what's inside my heart - UNCONDITIONAL LOVE - to love without expecting anything back in return, SACRIFICIAL SERVICE - considering the needs of others instead of my own and COMPLETE FORGIVENESS - forgiving wholeheartedly.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
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